The worst people in Philadelphia bring to you their wildest inventions.
With fifteen hysterical seasons already under its belt and a recent renewal for at least three more seasons afterward, too, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia won't be ending its record-breaking run on TV anytime soon. The show, created by Rob McElhenney, is one of the most offbeat series currently on TV. The series follows the owners of one of Paddy's Pub: Mac (Rob McElhenney), Dennis (Glenn Howerton), Charlie (Charlie Day), Dee (Kaitlin Olson), and Frank (Danny DeVito), as they scheme and plot their way through life.
Many of these various get-rich-quick schemes involve The Gang inventing multiple food and drink products, items of clothing, knick-knacks, and even a handful of culturally offensive characters (Dee's to blame for that one, obviously). While most of these inventions are rejected out of hand (and rightfully so), there are a few that somehow catch people's attention. After all, who wouldn't want a nice glass of Fight Milk?
If there's one thing Charlie Kelly loves (besides cheese and milksteaks, of course), it's cats. But the hundred or so cats that live in the alley behind his apartment keeping him awake at night force Charlie's to take matters into his own hands. His solution arrives in the form of Kitten Mittens, which, as you've probably guessed, are a set of mittens for cats.
What's most surprising about this ridiculous invention, beyond the fact that Charlie actually had the capacity to create something without help from anybody else, is that he somehow manages to sell the product. Unfortunately, however, Charlie has recently upset the lawyer that The Gang often terrorizes, and he takes his revenge by tricking Charlie into gifting the ownership of Kitten Mittens to him.
Like the self-explanatory Kitten Mittens, a Rum Ham is simply a big piece of ham soaked in rum. This innovative alcoholic meat option is brought to The Gang's attention by their oldest member, Frank, who stumbles upon it while they're on vacation at the Jersey Shore.
The story of Rum Ham is both a tragedy and a love story. After falling asleep in a rubber dingy, Mac and Frank wound up lost at sea, and in an even more tragic turn of events, they're forced to watch rum ham drift away. This story has a happy ending, though. After being rescued by a party boat, Mac and Frank are reunited with rum ham once more. Now The Gang celebrates their rare victories with a rum ham. It's a love story for the ages.
While it's fair to say that most of the inventions featured on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia would never find an audience in the real world, there are a few that are so incredibly stupid people just wouldn't be able to resist them. Paddy's Shotgun falls under that category.
First thought up by Frank, the shotgun is a real gun capable of firing liqueur into the open mouths of excited customers. The concept is quickly stolen by Mac and Dennis, although they just can't get the gun to fire right. Combine the problematic design with the godawful ad they made to promote it, and it isn't exactly hard to figure out why Paddy's Shotguns aren't currently available in all good retailers. Maybe one day, though.
Long before Charlie Day and Rob McElhenney were teaming up to co-create Mythic Quest, which was recently renewed for a third and fourth season, they put their minds together to create an alcoholic dairy drink for bodyguards, by bodyguards. While they intended for the drink to help bodyguards "tack on mass," the drink is surprisingly adopted by the UFC for a different reason entirely.
Fighter Donald Cerrone is using the drink to cut weight, as the drink expels all bodily fluids almost instantly. Mac and Charlie try and use this endorsement to become the official drink of the UFC, but Dana White quickly shoots that down, and Cerrone is eventually disqualified as Charlie had begun to put steroids in the drinks. To be fair to Mac and Charlie, this one has to be put down as a success. After all, they got to meet Dana White.
Kaitlin Olson is an exceptional actress. Dee Reynolds, however, is not. This doesn't stop her from fighting with all her might to become a successful Hollywood star, though. In addition to her dreadful stand-up comedy and sub-par performances in any ad The Gang makes, she also created a series of characters, each more offensive than the last, to try and make people laugh.
While it was hard to pick just one, Crazy Paddy seemed the most appropriate given that The Gang owns arguably Philadelphia's worst Irish pub. Crazy Paddy is an alcoholic, he loves a fight, and above all else, he's a character that nobody in their right mind should be proud of inventing. Still, that doesn't stop Sweet Dee Reynolds.
Given the recent update that A.P. Bio will not be returning for another season, we're all looking for a little more Glenn Howerton in our lives. In what is arguably his stand-out moment in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Dennis introduced the rest of The Gang to the D.E.N.N.I.S system, a very complicated yet surefire way to make a woman fall for you.
Given that Dennis invented the system, it's based entirely on deceit, manipulation, and there's a hint of intimidation thrown in for good measure. Of course, once Dennis has shown the system to the gang, his ego gets the better of him, and he becomes convinced that he can woo a woman he's already left. Unsurprisingly, the entire thing blows up in his face. Maybe it isn't such a foolproof method after all.
If there's one thing it's hard to imagine the owners of Paddy's Pub doing; it's sitting down quietly and playing a good, old-fashioned board game. CharDee MacDennis is their solution to this, a board game that doesn't require them to be quiet, sober, or polite to one another. CharDee MacDennis consists of three rounds: mind, body, and spirit.
Tasks from the game involve: gluing a smashed bottle back together, throwing darts at another player's hand to try and make them flinch, seeing who can keep their hands on Dee's bony bird body for the longest, and more. As with all things that occur in Paddy's Pub, the game is punctuated with regular screaming matches and finished with a player having to withstand an entire minute of verbal abuse. This game is certainly not for the faint of heart.
Frank Reynolds is by no means an idiot. After all, he created a business that made him almost unimaginably rich. That being said, the many years he's spent living in filth and squalor with Charlie have clearly taken a toll on his razor-sharp business instincts.
Nothing shows the scale of Frank's decline better than his worst invention, a hard-boiled egg. What exactly is it used for? Only Frank can answer that question. Maybe a paperweight? Maybe an ornament to place at the center of your mantel? Whatever the reason for it, it's hard to see Paddy's Pub eggs flying off the shelves. Then again, maybe Frank knows best.
Michael Walsh is a graduate of the Northern Film school and spends his spare time watching and writing films and TV. Mike lives in Rochdale, England
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